anger

I've managed my anger so well. I've always managed it really well. But deep inside, damn. I wouldn't let anyone inside my head when I'm angry. It's dark, scary and EVIL.

I miss sleeping in my own room. I miss my room. I haven't slept in my room ever since my dad died. My mom wouldn't let me sleep in my room 'coz she doesn't want to sleep in their room alone. So I don't have a choice. I just miss crying for hours, ALONE in my room.

Things happen but I feel like it's out of my control. But why do I feel like I still have to do something...I just don't know how, why, what.

And why am I so angry?! SO F*%K#N ANGRY.

I want to go somewhere. I want to be alone. I want to be on my own. I want to go out and think, think and think; cry, cry and cry and then cry even more. I just want to dance. No .. I want to sing. I miss singing. I wanna hug someone (hey I miss you! where the hell are you?). These are things i've been wanting to do but I just can't. I cried inside. Miserable. Desperate. But oh how I look so happy and serene. I could get an award for this. Best actress. *applause* I've learned to shut up...Keep things to myself. And I've learned to smile and laugh no matter how painful it is. I've learned. Practised it. Mastered it. I've become an expert.

...But to hell with all these. I'm beautiful - sexy and always will be...And that alone is enough to make me feel better. I STILL LOVE LIFE. and I'm SHININ' . You HATE ME...because you can never be me! You will never be like me. Not even close. Stop trying!