DAVID!

DAVID ARCHULETA is coming back! not confirmed yet. but... we're all crossing our fingers.

October 22-25, i'll be in Singapore.

Uncomfortable silence can be so loud

"Words that have no form are falling from my lips"

....things have changed between you and me....... we are strangers again. *sigh*

I almost cried. WTF!

I was fine, totally fine before you came into my life. Well I guess I'll find it easier to go back to a "life without you".

Misshewww and mishewww tew

You make me CRAZIER and HAPPIER!!! ♥

you make me laugh. you make me smile. you make me think of you. you make me miss you.

♥

"i miss you" ... weird. lol. (in every SMS)

can I be selfish? even for 3 seconds?

I wanna go somewhere, and not come back. If I can just do that. I just wanna be alone and cry, even for a day...please...I want to have that moment, on my own, alone, crying my heart out...I don't want to have to think about what others might say.

I am Heartless. Numb. yet happy. or trying to be happy. WTH.

blank

I wish it'll rain

Tonight (I imagined) would be like those night when my dad and my mom would stay outside my room, my dad playing his guitar and singing, my mom would be telling him stories on what's happened the whole day in the office, and I'd be watching TV or chatting/blogging. I miss my Dad and his songs. I miss having him tell me "Archuleta nasad (again)?" "Shine it's late, you better sleep". So tonight, I wish it'll just rain so I won't be thinking about it.

Terrible terrible headache

I just have to write about this. This is the day (TODAY) when I felt so excited, depressed, happy, confused, determined, desperate, frustrated, and so ALIVE. My co-worker told us that this week's going to be her last week to work with us. She'll be leaving for UK on the 3rd of Oct. She needs time to prepare, bond with her family and whatever it is that she needs to do, she has to do before she leaves. I'm happy for her! Now I'm wondering what happened to my application for Australia. No word or whatsoever communication from the nursing board yet. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wait a little longer. Sometimes it's frustrating to wait. (OH MY GOSH!!!! J replied to my tweet last Sept. 13!!!!!! I tweeted him "have fun in Davao" and he replied. "Thanks! Davao = WOW") Thanks J! You made my day. Going back. I've been thinking a lot the whole day - Read the paper and I saw a CAR. I texted my friend right away. I wanted to know how much I'm going to pay monthly for a certain number of years if my downpayment is this and that and blah blah, etc. I've been looking for a car. Brand new or not, still undecided. But I wanted another car. I have also been planning to have our car repainted. Anyway, I was also thinking on buying a house. I wanted to have a house near the city. We won't be selling our house though. I just want another house. I wanted to travel. I told myself, I should be able to travel to ten countries in ten years. Ten in Ten. All these are keeping me alive. Determined. Happy.
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Sometimes you just can't compete with "fate". But they say, sometimes it's a good thing. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. But I won't let this get in the way of fulfilling my dreams, getting what I want and enjoying life.
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Today, I was asked when I'm going to get married. And my answer was, "I don't want to get married." I just want to travel and travel and travel. "Don't you want to have kids?" they asked. And I smiled and said "hmmm Not now. Maybe I'll just adopt one" :D (Good answer.) LOL

anger

I've managed my anger so well. I've always managed it really well. But deep inside, damn. I wouldn't let anyone inside my head when I'm angry. It's dark, scary and EVIL.

I miss sleeping in my own room. I miss my room. I haven't slept in my room ever since my dad died. My mom wouldn't let me sleep in my room 'coz she doesn't want to sleep in their room alone. So I don't have a choice. I just miss crying for hours, ALONE in my room.

Things happen but I feel like it's out of my control. But why do I feel like I still have to do something...I just don't know how, why, what.

And why am I so angry?! SO F*%K#N ANGRY.

I want to go somewhere. I want to be alone. I want to be on my own. I want to go out and think, think and think; cry, cry and cry and then cry even more. I just want to dance. No .. I want to sing. I miss singing. I wanna hug someone (hey I miss you! where the hell are you?). These are things i've been wanting to do but I just can't. I cried inside. Miserable. Desperate. But oh how I look so happy and serene. I could get an award for this. Best actress. *applause* I've learned to shut up...Keep things to myself. And I've learned to smile and laugh no matter how painful it is. I've learned. Practised it. Mastered it. I've become an expert.

...But to hell with all these. I'm beautiful - sexy and always will be...And that alone is enough to make me feel better. I STILL LOVE LIFE. and I'm SHININ' . You HATE ME...because you can never be me! You will never be like me. Not even close. Stop trying!